honestly where are the tim pool fans when you need them? I'd rather get called a pedophile again than have to deal with people being insanely dismissive of this avatar essay without putting in any effort to understand where I was coming from
like, I think being a youtuber has taught me that whatever level of contempt I have for my readers, which used to be minimal to nonexistant, I should have way more. youtube commenters will watch your entire video and try to dispute something you said by raising multiple point addressed within the video and then act like that's your fault or that you're crazy for feeling talked down to.
getting back to back comments where people refuse to even think about where I'm coming from, and getting them on videos where I put an insane amount of work in for relatively negligible reward is just an insanity-producing experience. truly maddening.
I've realized lately that content creation is kind of a wild trap as a smaller creator, because if you make it big then you can make good money, but most people don't, and yet lots of people have tried, so you're investing all this energy probably for nothing. maybe that's how it should be.
I've had some time to think about being a writer and maybe the truth is that I'm just not good and maybe the truth is people just don't want to hear any of it from me, and maybe the truth is that I'm just unlucky. I'm trying but it does seem like maybe I'll just have to fuck off and be unhappy in perpetuity doing something else
really gotta wonder how some of the people I know get by spending all their time writing or making content. guess maybe they've had other things or people to rely on. but here I am. I dunno.
LMAO nevermind just realized one of the people I've been arguing with is a friend of Big Joel's who jumped into my comments to white knight for him. they're outright ignoring my central point in trying to clarify with them. gonna disengage now but feeling a tiny bit better about this given that it wasn't a random disagreement but an intentional obfuscation from someone who was never going to see my side anyway. same as it ever was.