@exiliaex i think i mean this in a sort of specific sense. to me beauty is just what dazzles and to me being dazzled is just a kind of incuriousity at whatever you're observing. i think what dazzles us is what we see dazzle others and we mirror that, things that look impressive sound impressive, things that catch attention, but not things that have anything to say once they have it. i dont want to be dazzled, i want something that wants to speak to me. i dont need something that expects me to speak for it out of social custom. watching people be dazzled by shitty artists who just play in an attention grabbing way or watching the way people reflexively drool over people who are attractive or even worse when it's over a "type" like sperging at seeing a goth girl or some other particular aesthetic they're trying to define themselves with or in relation to, these things feel so limp dead obnoxious and awful and in the particular case of physical attraction/fetishization intensely dehumanizing in the "reducing someone to a particular desired one dimensional role" kind of way.

also every time i call something beautiful there's almost always a better word if i could collect my thoughts properly, it's just a catch all for liking something about something. it's a disservice to the particular thing i'm admiring if i'm trying to categorize it as having a similar property to an unrelated thing simply for reacting in a positive way. the way toradora! grabs my attention is different than why sunshines hair does and i want to know specifically why i love these things to really appreciate them