I'm numb to everything and there's no way out. I'm functional, but there's nothing left at all for me but suck it up, because no one's coming to help in the way. I just feel disappointed to know that I'm emotionally mutilated and that it didn't have to be this way necessarily. I'm more alone in my mind that I ever have been the more I improve myself. It's bullshit that I'm so good at casually dissociating that it doesn't matter anymore if I'm without much new human contact anymore--they'd all disappoint and hurt me anyway even if I do nothing at all to warrant it.