severe cruelty, transphobia, suicide,
Earlier today by chance online I came across a young trans person who was mocking me for being a public figure trans woman who “didn’t voice train” as if I had committed some sin by not presenting “correctly” as a public figure.
At first I couldnt help but laugh at the desperate cruelty of it. Obviously I voice trained like crazy for years. I warm up my voice for 40 minutes at the start of every stream. I just…consciously over time moved away from pushing myself to always be hyper femme. I did that diligently for years when I had to to survive, but its strenuous and not fully genuine to who I am.
Out of curiosity, I clicked their profile to discover endless borderline suicide posting, extensively going out of their way to post in the most negative and toxic trans spaces on the web.
I have recieved a lot of cruelty over the years from other trans people. Some of the cruelest shit imaginable. often from younger trans people. If it was anyone else treating me like that it would be nothing for me to laugh at their own misery they’re projecting onto me. But…I cant just laugh that off.
People like this could have at least had a shot at happiness and freedom from self hate if the world was just less than endlessly hostile towards trans people.
I remember my own self hate and some of the cruel thoughts I had in my own mind then. I can never imagine feeling motivated to post those publically about someone, but still. I know the pain self hate causes. the distortion.
Hatred and prejudice have cascading effects. It just cuts away at all of us. Cruelty begets even more cruelty. and the young trans ppl try to kill the “old” (by a few years lmao) ones to soothe their pain.
What a stupid and meaningless cycle. many of these hateful, putrid, toxic self hating racist chan culture trans ppl will die. self inflicted or otherwise. and there can be no peace found in that because they only became that way and twist the knife in their own because they were bludgeoned into self consuming self hatred.
but also why the fuck twist the knife in me?! because I happened to raise my voice at all? fucking meaningless.
@DemonMama It's heartbreaking how cruel we can be to one another, especially when we know those pressure points to cause the most pain. I'm sorry you were treated that way, it's entirely unacceptable. I also feel for the awful place that person is in, but it it is no excuse.
Personally, I don't voice mod and feel ambivalent about it and whether I would be able to keep it up, particularly because of multiple neurodivergences that make thinking and talking at the same time hard enough.
I hope it's not inappropriate to say that I think your voice is lovely and doesn't sound like anything other than you to me. Take care x
